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A series of funny quotations

February 28, 2008

These are funny.  Some are familiar, some not so much.  Brought me a smile today.

  • “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” — Clarence Darrow
  • “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” — William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
  • “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. — Groucho Marx
  • “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” — Mark Twain
  • “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” — Oscar Wilde
  • “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… If you have one.” — George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill…followed by Churchill’s response: “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one.” — Winston Churchill
  • “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” — Stephen Bishop
  • “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” — John Bright
  • “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” — Irvin S. Cobb
  • “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” — Samuel Johnson
  • “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” — Paul Keating
  • “He had delusions of adequacy.” — Walter Kerr
  • “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” — Mark Twain
  • “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” — Mae West
  • “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” — Oscar Wilde
  • Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, “Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!” Winston replied, “Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!”
  • Lady Astor looked at Churchill and said, “Sir, you are drunk!” He replied, “And Madam, you are ugly. At least in the morning I’ll be sober.”
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One Comment leave one →
  1. February 28, 2008 9:30 pm

    Will this is Funny! I wish I were as quick witted as some of these folks. But I know I couldn’t be that MEAN (outwardly, anyway). Very fun post! Jennifer

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